Friday, September 19, 2008

My 30th Birthday Reflections

Yes folks, that's right. I turned 30 today! It's so hard to believe in some ways and in other ways it feels just right. I never really thought it would be tough turning 30. I never considered 30 old. I just considered 30 a real "adult" age, meaning I should and expected myself to totally have all my shit, excuse me, together by the time I got there. Dream job, dream home, married, maybe a kid, solid hobbies, accomplishments to write home about, comfortable with my body and just an overall feeling of total well-being. I think that was my major misconception about 30. That somehow I would have figured things out by now. I didn't realize that I totally haven't given myself enough time. In reality, I've figured nothing out. Job-wise, I'm not completely happy. I've got a masters degree but am not using it - and that's truly no one else's fault but my own. I'm just getting comfortable in my current position but I'm not challenged. The thought of job hunting though is a harrowing one. It has to happen now though because, well, I'm 30 and if not now, when?
Home-wise, I don't technically own. My husband and I rent - from my dad who owns the house. So at least the money is staying "in the family", so to speak. And we're kind of on a rent to own status. But it feels like forever before we'll have enough saved to really feel secure in getting to the ownership point.
Married - CHECK!! Phew. Got one. And it's a good one. I am married to a wonderful man - we are truly in love and feel like two old souls who've found each other. We have so much in common but at the same time we're completely different. We challenge one another, encourage one another, love one another and annoy the crap out of another all at the same time. It's true love people. Believe me. And that I'm very happy and grateful for.
Kids - not yet. When? I really have no idea. So stop asking. Yes dad, I'm talking to you. No but seriously. We want kids but we also love our freedom. And I love that I don't have to balance my checkbook every week to make sure I can feed, cloth and shelter someone. Call me selfish, but it's a tough thing to let go. Not that I'm jetting off to Paris every weekend or attending lavish crazy parties till the crack of dawn, but even just giving up sleeping late is a big consideration. We will do it though - but probably not for at least another year...or two.
Comfortable with my body? Do I really need to even address this one? Ok here's the short version. When I was in my early 20's I used to walk for exercise. I never had a huge problem with weight gain until around 28. I noticed I put on weight much easier than in my youthful days. Then walking just wasn't cutting it anymore - I had to step it up. To lose weight for my wedding I started running. Running is the only thing that keeps my weight down - and when I say down, I'm no skinny minny. I'm Italian - which means I have an ass, and all the other curves that go along with it. My parents always called me "big-boned." They thought that was putting it nicely. Do I hate my body? No. Well, some days I hate my thighs, although I'm grateful they are there. Just why do they have to look SOOO BIG! I will say this, I'm definitely more comfortable with my curves now than ever before. I'm also more aware of how quickly my slowing metabolism can turn those curves against me.
I hope this rant doesn't make me sound like an unhappy person. Because truly, I'm quite happy. I have a very nice life and have enjoyed some exceptional things over the years. I've truly been very blessed in the "short" time I've been alive. I still feel very young at heart, and I guess I just realize that 30 really is the new 20! I'm glad I haven't accomplished all my goals like I thought I would have by this age. How boring would that make the rest of the years? I think I've done it right. I got to 30 and I still have a lot to do in this life, and... still plenty of time to do it in.


Stephanie said...

Love this post:) I'm not 30 yet, just 26 but this is encouraging to know you are embracing 30 as the new 20. I feel you on the having kids thing. We want them but not for a few years, like our freedom for now!:) Happy Birthday!

KMAYS said...

Happy Birthday! I feel you about the thighs. Mine are "muscular" meaning, they look ginormous in jeans. We don't own a home yet either, and the only kids in our future are our kittens. That's just the way it is, and we're very happy. You should be too!

Laura P. said...

Happy birthday! I'll be 30 in a little over a month and 1/2...good to know it's not as scary as it seems. : ) I'm also glad that i'm not the only one who's not where I thought I'd be at (almost) 30. Hope you have a good one!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! I'm not 30 yet, but you definitely give me hope! I always thinking of 30 as being old and I have so much I think I need to do before I turn that age. Thanks for giving me a reality check that doesn't suck ;) Enjoy your day!

Michele said...

Happy Birthday! I think it's great that you are focusing on all the wonderful things you have in your life. Don't feel you are alone in not accomplishing everything you thought you would. I thought I'd me married and have children by now (I'm 28) and I'm neither but like you, I'm happy. Oh and about the body thing...forget it...I look at HS pics and think how I wish I still had that body but at the time...I thought I was huge. It's a hard lesson for most women (one I'm still learning) but we need to learn to love ourselves for who we are today...and why shouldn't we...we are so easy to love! LOL

Lisa said...

Michele - that is so true about the HS pics! Too funny.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday! I just wrote about kids last week, don't you get sick of the question? Grr!